Well, its been a while since I posted anything, so well, here goes, quick recap:

Christmas was fine, got a lot of money, not a whole lot of anything else.

I turned 21, got wasted, started going to bars occasionally.

I got a Mr. Boston cocktail book, and I've been checking off drinks as I've made them--there are about 1,500 drinks in the book, I hope to try most of them by the end of the year.

I've been very sad, lonely, and antisocial. I suppose that the obvious solution is to be more social, but I don't really know where to start--most of my best friends have moved away, and other than a few people here in Kato, I am an Island Unto Itself. Sure hasn't helped my mood any, the only things that seem to help are booze and food, although I did go to the gym the other day; that was fun, even if people kept giving me weird looks...

I see people I know, but usually I just don't want to talk to them, or they look like they are busy, or I worry that they don't want to talk to me... I just worry a lot about nonsense.

Luke looks like he's going to give me a job at his store he's opening, as a shift manager or something, hey, if it pays better than Arby's, I'm in, and I wouldn't have to deal with Chris anymore, which would be nice.

Class was canceled today, which was surprising, and disappointing, because I walked all the way here through the cold to get to class from my house, only to have it canceled.

I'm considering getting off Facebook entirely, maybe just starting over with a whole new list of friends... you know, just the people that want to be on my list, not just people who are there through some social pressure. You know what, I think I'm going to do that right now. Goodbye, cruel Facebook!

Chance

UPDATE: Apparantly, went you delete your profile and then renew it, it comes back just like before. Oh well, I guess I'll just keep it as it is, baggage and all.

Thank Science! Finally! Finals are over! You have no idea how better I feel now, its miraculous, really. I may just fail a few classes (definately one...), but that's OK, I suppose. I'll just have to do better next semester.

I bought a sweet Dude Hat Wednesday and a couple of Western Shirts, I suppose I was inspired by Brokeback Mountain and decided to "butch" up a bit, as it were. Overall, its like wearing a big bowl of leather confidence on the top of my head--people seem to give you more space when you look this tough.


Dude Hat

Oh yeah.

Its should look even better once I finish growing my mustache, which could be a while, I suppose (you see you can't have a beard at Arby's, but you can have a mustache, and I want to grow a mustache just to spite them). I'm goin' for what I like to call, "The Stossel," like 20/20 Anchor/Christ-figure John Stossel. It'll be pimp, trust me.


In other news, I have a very odd collection of songs on my MP3 player--I went from Techno music, to Wicked, to Guys and Dolls, to Waylon Jennings, to Willie Nelson, Del the Funkee Homosapien, to Rachinminov, to more Techno, to some Miles Davis, to more Techno... its an odd mix of 415 songs--and one recording of rain.

because I like the sound.

What, you wanna fight about it?

Overall, I guess I'm just glad to be done for now, for whatever that's worth. Hopefully I'll find... whatever it is I should be searching for next semester.

'Til then,

Chancellor

I am very depressed, therefore, this entry is probably going to be very depressing. You were warned.

I think I'm going to fail at least a couple classes this semester, and my folks said they weren't going to pay for school anymore if I did fail any, so well, I don't know what's going to happen to me.

If I've ignored you in the last few days, know that its not because I necessarily wanted to ignore you, it was just that I didn't want to curse you with my presence, is all. No one likes a party-pooper, and that's all I've been since about Thursday. A dark, shallow husk of a person.

You know if I had a gun, there is little question that'd I'd already be dead; its a shame that they are so expensive.

Shit, I'm just all by myself all of the time, especially when Andrew's not home. I know, the simple answer is just to go out and, well do something, anything. But what? Join a club? Go to a coffee shop? What? Sure, these things might help me fell better for a bit (I know playing that Wii in the CSU Wednesday night was freakin' magic!), but eventually I just go home and then rot in my little plot of Earth until I have cause to go somewhere else.

At the end of the day, I'm still alone. So very, very alone. No amount of internet forums, or TV, or anything else can change that.

All I ever seem to do is go to school, go to work, and go do errands (groceries, laundry, etc.). I almost always go by myself, because I'm the only person I can trust.

I guess it all comes down to me being Avoidant and a bit Paranoid. I don't want to have to face any sort of rejection so I just avoid relationships as much as possible. Also, I want to avoid making any important decisions, or really any decisions at all, as long as possible. That's why I haven't even registered for classes yet, or really even figured out what I want to do with myself. If its possible to do something without making a clear decision on it, that's what I'm gonna do.

Also, I loathe asking for help, absolutely despise it. I don't want to know what grades I have, I don't want to have an extra copy of an assignment, I just want to able to fucking SKATE THROUGH EVERYTHING LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCH!

ARGGH! I'm so frustrating! I just wish someone would come over and put me out of my misery. Either by stopping by and saying hello, or just out and out killing me, either way, I would be grateful.

I'm just a fucking mess.

ABANDON ALL HOPE
YE WHO ENTER HERE.

Chance

Well, I've been very introspective lately (even more so than usual) trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.

I have a definate love of economics, which is the study of people acting, and a general malaise towards actually acting in the classical sense.

I've also been eating far too much dairy--ice cream, cereal, egg nog ('tis the season!), its really starting to kill me, I think. Well, at least its killing my gastrointestinal system, probably making me fat, too.

I've also been thinking quite a bit about what kind of woman I want (lets forget the men for a second ;P), perhaps because I just finished reading a romance novel (Nobody's Darling) and I'm feeling sentimental. I've come up with a preliminary (i.e. subject to change) list of qualities I would prefer in a lady, in no particular order:

1) Smart. This one is usually a given, but you would be surprised by how many guys just don't care. I like people with very intelligent eyes, probing, seeking eyes, wide with discovery and hungry for knowledge. Being able to hold your own in a discussion or a debate is nice, and I always love an excellent conversationalist.

2) Funny. Not neccessarily ha-ha funny, just a person with a sense of humor.

3) Quirky. Not that everyone isn't unique, because we all are, of course, I just don't care for people who immediately conform to whatever group they're in. No Lemmings.

4) Local. I don't wanna drive a 100 miles to see you, the whole long-distance thing would just drive me crazy.

5) Non-Judgemental. What I mean by this, is that I don't want some prissy busybody trying to change me into what I'm not, because I would not do the same to you.

6) Someone who respects themselves. This is a large catagory, but it involves self-esteem, body image, and overall general presense and appearance. It's a very relative catagory, but I'd prefer if they:
a. Dress Well. Again, this is relative.
b. Doesn't abuse drugs; note that I didn't say use, I said abuse. Big difference.
c. Not be ginormis. This is the most shallow requirement, but I just don't like really big girls. Now I'm very flexible on this, more than some other people. But people with so little self respect who manage to eat themselves into the size of a small car need not apply.
d. Have some self-esteem. If you think you are the scum of the earth (and I've been guilty of this on occasion), people are going to start to believe you.

7) Mature. I mean, I want people who are at least equal to me in several respects, I want a partner, not a lap dog.

Other than that, physically, I'm real flexible, I don't like bleached blond hair, but height isn't really a factor--I like a nice behind and some large breasts, but those are not requirements, by any means.

I like girls who are older than me, but that's not a requirement either.

Well, I gotta get to class, I'll see ya'll later, I'm sure,

Chance

This is becoming one very strange day indeed.

I went to Microecon, came back home, went to Cub Foods, where I bought some PA (Prince Albert) pipe tobacco from a very nice lady, then I went to the Wagon Wheel instead of going to Intro to Poli Sci (Because its boring). After an excellent breakfast of pancakes and sausage, I walked back to campus, my new pipe I bought yesterday (a Dr.Grabow Grand Duke with a straight stem, round shank, and a woodcut apple bowl) in hand.

Walking into campus, I found out that it apparently is "Smoke Free" week, where health-nazis proceed to tell me what I should do with my own body. I don't know who is more annoying--some douchebag in a ciggerette costume handing out flyers (whom I saw outside the CSU today) or when we have Evangelical Christians doing the same thing.

What I really want to do is push the poor guy in the ciggerette suit over and see if he rolls. You know, for kicks.

But you know what is a very pleasant surprise? In the CSU, the Jazz Band is playing--and playing Jazz! Having a little exhibition or something--whatever it is, I give them my stamp of approval! They are way better than my Jazz Band in High School, but what do you expect?

I think I'm going to go to the guy in the cig outfit and smoke in front of him--just to see what he says, naturally.

'til we meet again,

Chance

1.You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
We'd split it--although Jesus would probably insist on picking up the tab.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it?
Marcus Aurealeus

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
Washington D.C.--I can pick a district too, right?

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna do?
Go SHOPPING!

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
Mega Wheels Jeep

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do.
Ah, too many choices...

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
Closed-minded arrogance.

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
The Ring. Scared the Hell out of me for a whole week, I could stand static on TV for a month after that.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud?
Many, many things, here's one, (to a girl) "I feel gayer just by being near you."

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
Ice Cream, Cereal, and a steak.

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done?
Umm... have a steady partner (girlfriend/boyfriend).

13. Before you die you want to go to...?
India, Amsterdam, Indonesia, Japan, Boston, Rhode Island, Montana... pretty much all the states... yeah, just about everywhere.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
Wear a dress without getting laughed at (wierd, I know).

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
Hmmm.... a fish tank full of Piranhas.

16. A drug you'll never try?
Meth.

17. If you were an animal what would you be?
Either a cat or an Eagle (Eaglecat?).

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be?
Kate Maki, probably.

19. Whats something most people don't know about you?
See question 14...

20. First celebrity crush?
Honestly, I have no idea...

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?
Silenced Pistol.

22. Favorite cereal growing up as a kid?
Banana Nut Crunch.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?
Pancakes.

25. Worst way to die?
Drowning, the helplessness scares me...

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen?
This one.

27. The worst injury you've ever had?
Well, I fell down a flight of stairs and cracked open my head (with the subsequent concussion) when I was 2--That was probably it.

28. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?
Yifte. I don't know how to spell it, but its delicious (its pronounced Yif-tah). Its a raspberry, graham cracker & whipped cream dish, I think its Norwegian in origin.

29. Sport you hate the most?
Hate? That's a strong word for a game, I don't think I could hate a game...

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
Boston

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
The Universe. Everything.

32. Favorite Actor/Actress?
Changes all the time, I don't have a favorite, right now...

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?
"Social Security"--What a joke...

34. What makes an awesome party?
lots of booze, good music, colorful guests, and a dash of adventure.

35. What's your material obsession?
Clothes...my hair...comic books...Star Trek books...all sorts of crap.

36. What's something most would not consider an insult but you.
I think that's the correct wording. I hate it when people say that my argument is "irrational," or attack my argument instead of supporting their own--oh, and when people take the moral "high ground" with me, that pisses me off.

37. Favorite kind of dog?
little ones, with lots of hair. A Scottish Terrier, perhaps.

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)?
Hot dogs.

39. Morning or night person?
Night.

40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?
Throwing up.

41. Weirdest ebay purchase?
I've never bought anything off ebay.

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?
when I'm wasted? Hmm, I usually don't eat when I'm wasted.

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
Probably on my computer, having just got off of work, or, still at a party, lingering until more people leave.

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?
No idea--they all have different things to offer.

45.Worst job you've ever had?
Perkins, although that wasn't too bad, but I hardly got paid at all, it seems.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for?
My awkwardness.

47. Favorite cereal?
Changes, right now I think its either Frosted Mini-Wheats or Honey Bunches O' Oats.

48. Book you could read repeatedly?
Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart (I have read that repeatedly)

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
Tell my friend Travis that his adventure (in D&D) was horrible, while we were playing it; I kept critiquing and critiquing it--I don't think he took it very well. It was bad.

50. What was your best Halloween costume ever?
Probably the last one--Liberal Douche/Conservatard

Well, its been a while since I've written an entry, so here goes nothing.

I was walking back home from class today, feeling a little down because, well, my social life is rather lacking at the moment. I rarely see any of my friends anymore, and its gotten to the point that I've been wondering if I really have any friends at all. I mean, I was worried that I had either pissed off or alienated far too many people over the years, so I was concerned that my aloofness would come back and bite me in the ass.

So, as a was thinking about this, getting more and more depressed about it, a car slows down next to me on the street. I look over, and its Lucas! He let me in, and gave me a ride back home.

The thing is, I haven't seen him in a few weeks, and I didn't go to the show that he directed, so I was worried that he would be mad and bitter at me, but, he actually seemed like he was happy to see me! Weird, I know.

He was wondering if I wanted to move in with him next semester, apparently he's losing some tenets. It would be cheaper, overall ($324 + Free Cable & Internet), but I just moved into a new house, and I really don't want to move again.

What else is new? I want to hang out with Eleanor sometime, but she's always working, or doing homework, it seems. Or maybe she's deliberately avoiding me? I dunno. I really have to start dating, or something, that's a hurdle I've never really jumped. Sure, I've "had" women before, but I'd say I've never really had a girlfriend, or anything like that. Sure, Tiffany was around for a few weeks, but I wouldn't say it was much of a relationship, persay. I just think I need some stability in my life, is all.

Hopefully this election season fever will die down now so we can stop making each other crazy. I suppose there is a good reason why politics is not good conversation in mixed company--its just gonna piss people off, and believe you me, there are few things that piss me off more than arguing politics, especially against emotional, irrational arguments--"straw men," "ad hominems," and so on... people who want to control other peoples lives really just bug the Hell out of me, I suppose.

Not that you can't have a civil disagreement, but when it just devolves to talking points and you just end up repeating yourself and your not reaching any common ground--its better to just throw in the towel.

But, anyway... I'm hella broke. No cash, at least until Wednesday. I feel so helpless when I'm broke, its a really terrible feeling. Maybe I should get a credit card? Of course, I would just spend myself into fiscal oblivion, more than likely, but it would be nice to have that safety net.

Well, 'til we meet again,

Chance

Well, this is going to be a depressing Tuesday.

Not only do I have a full lineup of classes, but I also have to do my "civic duty" and vote. Ha! What a waste; here in Minnesota, I have the choice between Turd Sandwiches and Giant Douches. Its deplorable, really.

"Yeah, a real shame most politicians aren't as extreme as you are.

Oh, Shut up, self!

I just hope that the democrats gain control of the house and half of the senate, so at least there will be some balance restored to the force, eh? Although I'm sure all they are going to do is initiate more ridiculous legislation like theBan on Horse Meat, for example.

It's disappointing, but I still have a morbid curiosity as to how it will all pan out.

Till we meet again,

Chance

We had auditions on Tuesday--I didn't get cast in anything, not like a really care, its not like any of these college productions are paying gigs or anything.

Pretty much I'd be giving up my time, when I could be making some money, in order to starve myself (or at least flounder in poverty and debt).

Whoopie.

The thing that sucks more is that I was going to go have coffee with Eleanor after the auditions, whom I haven't seen for some time (but we talk on AIM from occasionally, and I was really excited about speaking with her in person. Anyway, I called her as soon as auditions were over, and even though I she told me she would have her Cell handy, she didn't pick up. I called her a couple more times, and still--nothing. I tried to talk to her on AIM too, but she didn't respond at all, even when it showed that she was online and not idle or away, or anything. It was very distressing.

I sent her an E-Mail on Wednesday, wondering if she disappeared or what, but I haven't got any response so far(however, I did send it to her school E-Mail, and I don't know if she uses that one).

For some reason, this is the worst thing that's happened to me all week. I feel like I was kinda-sorta Stood-Up, which is a new, confusing, and overwhelmingly negative experience for me.

Was she just legitimately unreachable? Did I upset her in some way? I have no idea, because I haven't spoken to her in any form since Monday. Did she fall of the face of the Earth? Or is she face-down in a gutter somewhere? I have no idea.

I have this sinking feeling that I'm overreacting, like a girl(not yet a woman...). I guess I just didn't expect this, so it hit me pretty hard. I just wish she would explain herself, then I'd certainly feel a lot better about it, even if its a reason I don't like.

Le *Sigh*,

Chance

I had the strangest dream last night.

It was a two-parter.

First part, I was back at Arby's, and I told Amanda that I think she's hot. That's all. Kinda the dull half.

The second part, I was back in New Ulm. I had gotten an awesome Electric/Gas Scooter, You know, the ones with just the handlebars and the platform that you stand on? Well this thing was super fast, like a motorcycle, and I was zooming down the street with it. Anyway, I stopped, got off, and I think I lost it, because I walked over to a nearby house, knocked and came in, looking around, I saw Andrew Sullivan on his computer, blogging (as if Andrew Sullivan lived in New Ulm...), and I realized I was at his house. I introduced myself and he told me he was having some family over for supper and wondering if I wanted to join them. He had this bowl of this eggs and potatoes dish that he didn't have a name for, but it sure looked delicious.

So Andrew Sullivan and I became friends. Yeah!

A little perspective on a situation is always good.

I was reading an excellent book Looking out for #1, and I had an epiphany, of sorts.

I've been beating myself up a lot, feeling cheated, like, somehow these problems I've been having have been anyone's fault but my own.

Bullshit. All of my problems have been my own damn fault, but I've been so blinded by this righteous indignation that I failed to see that simple truth.

I should just do what's best for myself, i.e. look out for #1. I'm #1, I'm not a loser, I've just been acting like a "loser." In fact, labeling myself (or anyone, for that matter) is a fruitless exercise that only retards personal growth and happiness.

My point is, that I have to stop blaming other people, clearly my choices are my own, and, by the same token, there is no point in mulling over mistakes I've made in the past. I'm just going to really start doing what's best for me, not what people expect of me or demand of me or whatever.

First off, I'm going to focus more on getting my Economics degree, because Economics is something I really enjoy. I don't enjoy being in the Theatre Department. It is no fun for me, I'm not enjoying it, and I don't feel like I'm really learning anything useful. So, after this semester is over, I think I'm just going to wash my hands clean of it and chalk it up to experience.

There is no reason that I should be doing anything that is not giving me what I want in return.

Also, I'm going to start working more on my personal life, getting back in touch with friends and family I've neglected, maybe even getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend, that would be nice.

But the point is--you lose any battle you don't fight, capice? I have to start putting more effort into what I do, whether its writing or schoolwork, relationships, etc.

I should also get more in touch with my sexuality, which has been sorely neglected for far, far too long. I've come to the (not so startling to most of you) conclusion that I like girls and boys. Strange? Yeah, sure, there may be people that will avoid me just based on that fact. Well, no loss to me, I wouldn't want to associate with anyone who would judge me on such a small element of my character.

I'm not going to let anybody else force me to be someone I'm not. I can only be myself, no one else. And I would never force someone else to conform to my standards. That's why they are my standards, not yours.

Oh, and I love you guys--anyone who would spend their precious time on Earth reading my blogs immediately has my respect and appreciation. Thank you.

I am a beautiful and unique snowflake.

Chance

Yeah, hasn't really been a great month for me.

I just... don't really like myself right now. I'm a bit of a loser, literally, because I tend to lose at about everything. Therefore--Me=Loser.


First off, the campus puts a boot on my car, and forces me to cough up $110 to pay for my outstanding tickets and the boot removal, then Dr. Hustoles gives me more and more bad grades, than those fucking iago-twofaced bitches over at Highland Hills put a clamp on my car and force me to give them another $50... overall this semester, I have spent over $200 on various parking-related fines (tickets, towing, clamps/boots). That's the price of having a cheap whore for a whole night! I'll never see that cheap whore money again!

It just seems so wrong--that they can just clamp your car, force you to pay an fee, or drag away your property whenever they want. I mean, $50? And to make it worse, they didn't take a check or money, only money orders and credit cards... and I didn't have any money in my check card or any money period until Andrew gave me a ride so I could get my paycheck from Arby's--good thing I got clamped on payday, I guess.

I mean, the money thing sucks, obviously, but what's worse is this humiliation, that other people have so much power over you... that they could just put a clamp on my car (and by extension, myself) and basically extort money out of me--it just makes you feel insignificant. That's one huge problem I have with Dr. Hustoles, I really want to just tell him how upset he makes me, but he has so much power over me, that I'm completely impotent compared to him. I can never seem to appease him in anyway.


It doesn't help that humans, in general, become so intensely irrational when we get emotional, it scares me, it does. I wish I could just be a perfectly rational person and never have to worry about making irrational decisions ever. But, whenever I get emotional, whether its fear, or anger, or (*shudder*) love, it doesn't matter. I immediately become a blathering idiot. Is that universal? Or do I have a serious problem?

Lately its been getting worse, the irrationality. I'm taking unnecessary risks (illegal parking, etc.), I'm unprepared for classes, I'm been drinking more and more on the weekdays, and every time I get real angry my first thought, for some odd reason, is "Man, they'll be sorry when I finally kill myself and blame it on them, then they'll be sorry!"

It doesn't matter who (or what) I'm angry at, my natural response isn't to attack them, its to attack... myself? See what I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Am I just being sadomasochistic? Do I really want to hurt myself? Then why haven't I gone all Emo and cut myself or something? I suppose I'm not Physically self-destructive, I think I look just fine, but, emotionally, I'm just a mess. I just don't feel that I'm really any good at, well, anything useful. I can bitch and moan, but at the end of the day that really doesn't help me much.

Adding onto that, and what is even more distressing to me, is that I don't have anyone depending on me. I have very few responsibilities, and there is no person/animal/plant that depends on me for its daily survival. I could fall off the face of the earth and barely make page 4A in the Mankato Free Press. I'd just disappear, people would shrug and move on. I am not irreplaceable.

I am not a beautiful and unique Snowflake.

Chance

I was reading some posts on the Reason Website , and they had an interesting one on how 1/3 of American kids are, well, fat.

Its funny how the government immediately starts pointing fingers. "Oh, its TV's fault! No, its the fault of Video Games! TV Commercials! Not enough funding!" Ad Nauseum...

Whatever happened to Personal Responsibility? Why are American kids so fat? Well, in the latest, November issue of Reason, there is an article about how being fat isn't even that big of a deal. Ah, Reason, a beacon of logic in a sea of Bullshit.

Maybe being fat is just a natural response to us Americans having less physically demanding jobs, and having more free time and money to spend on, well, eating?

Not that being Obese isn't a problem, persay, it is just blown out of proportion, especially in the Quack science health books my Ma just devours. Yes, my Ma the Health Consultant, who once told me that since the medical symbol is a snake surrounding a rod, we shouldn't trust modern medicine. Hell, she highlighted that section in a book of hers, and presented it to me as if it was evidence of a duplicitous medical Establishment. Oy.

Me, I've been losing lots of weight (although with all of the cereal and pop-tarts I've been eating, I may just gain it back...), but that's a personal choice. I like to look good, and I don't want to have any extra weight slowing me down. But some people don't care, and they shouldn't have to.

If they want to be fat, let them be fat. You can't just legislate away a problem like obesity--no matter how many snack machines in schools you ban, how "healthy" you make the school lunches, or how much you promote Verbs, the "problem" is not going to go away. We are getting fatter, Nation, deal with it.

If anything, a fatter populace makes people who are thinner more valuable, thus increasing our relative "price," therefore increasing the Quantity Demanded. Its a move up on the Demand Curve and a move down on the Supply Curve; and as the Demand goes up, more and more people will lose weight in order to meet the demand for thin people until we reach a market Equilibrium (Because, if I've learned anything from Theatre, its that people are a Commodity just like anything else). Not to bore you with Economics, or anything.

Well, time to skip Poly Sci... again,

Chance

I mean really, I suppose I've just been pissy the last few weeks, but I think I'm getting over it.

I had the strangest dream the other night, I was in a movie, some sort of gangster/police drama, and it was a sequel (don't ask me how I know that, I just do), and I was a corrupt lawyer (redundant, I know) helping the gangsters cook their books, but I was also the protaganist. But halfway through, I saw Grace, you know, from Will & Grace? And suddenly it became the movie Will & Grace, but Will was surprisingly absent, and I was an extra being shuffled around a crowded bus/train/mass transit depot. Bizarre, I know.

I've been working far too much, I haven't even had a chance to see Peter Pan, which I will have to see this week, for sure.

Also, I bought a bike. Not a good one, persay, it was Hella used, but it was only $50 with a lock, and it was a pretty nice ride when it was new, I suppose. The previous owner bought it used for $110.

In other news, I was up until almost 4 in the morning last night working on my play, Karl's Hot Cousin, I added some more to a few scenes, clarified some of the dialogue, fixed some logic/continuity errors (Karl's Ma getting drunk too early, etc.), all it all made it a stronger product. All I have to figure out now is how it ends...

If any of you haven't, I strongly recommend taking a dance class--its an excellent way to get fit, mainly because you have to use your mind and your body at the same time, its no mindless calistenics, I tell you. Getting done with Jazz Dance in the mornings is truly an invigorating experience.

There is a speaker coming to the Ostrander tonight at 7, maybe I'll stop in, who knows. He's an LBGTQ (seriously, what's the "Q" for? Really, who does the other letters in that alphabet soup not cover?) advocate, mainly at colleges and such.

That reminds me, I was thinking about this earlier--should diversity be rammed down people's throats? Is that Kosher? I know diversity is helpful, and adds to the whole college "atmosphere," but should it be so loud? You know, "We're here, we're different-than-the-majority,, get over it!" Is that the right way to promote a healthy learning environment? I think that sort of behavior can lead to the ever-present "white guilt," or more specifically, the "upper/middle-class white male" guilt. Where we are all made to feel guilty for the sins of the past and for the presumptions many of us make on a regular basis. I mean, I didn't enslave your people, I didn't prevent you from voting, from owning land, from whatever. Why should I be made to feel guilty about other people's mistakes?

On second thought, that sounds a little selfish, even for me. I like to think that I take everyone at face value, that I don't treat anyone any differently just because their of a different race or a different culture or whatever. I just don't care, really. Not my problem. In fact, its not really a problem at all. Its just blowhards at both sides of the aisle that make it into a problem.

God, if their was one, and he was truly merciful, would have sent me to the 24th century, so I could live and serve on a Federation Starship...ah, fantasies...

Well, that's all for now, I'm going to eat somethin' and go out for a smoke.

Cheers,

Chance

Why is school so depressing?

I mean, these are supposed to be the best years of my life, but I just feel like a caged tiger.

For one, I don't even want to be in the Theatre program anymore... not like I don't have fun with it occasionally, at a lot of the theatre majors are cool, but I just don't feel like I really fit in, and the fact that I can't really do any shows without losing my job puts a damper on things.

I didn't audition on Monday, not like I couldn't--I had ample time and oppurtunity to do so, but I just didn't want to. I would have to lose my job, and more than likely I would just have a secondary role, and even under the extrodinarily slim chance that I would be a Principal, I wouldn't want the part. I just don't care to put in the effort, is all. The prospect of being onstage just doesn't excite me anymore, and I really don't think I was that into it in the first place.

Theatre, I'm just not into You.

And now I'm stuck in a program I don't want to be in... certainly I should stick it out 'til at least the end of the semester, right? Who knows, I could change my mind, but in all likelihood I'm going to just be done with it for sure now. I'm just not "hungry" for it, you know? My motivation is gone, so to speak.

But, on the bright(ish) side, I really enjoy Economics--I like analyzing markets and learning about how the Commanding Heights of the Economy function. Markets I find endlessly fascinating in their complexity and in their innate simplicity at the same time.

If only I could wake up for my 8 o'clock Micro Econ Class... Oy.

Then there are all of these little things that bring me down, like how difficult it is to get a spot in the damn Free Lot in the mornings. Fucking bastards, don't we pay enough that all the parking can be free? Or at least cheap enough for me to afford on my own?

Another downer is my self-inflicted isolation... I mean, I spend most of my time alone, and I really enjoy being by myself, but its just... too much, you know? I don't see many of my friends very often, and, worse, I'm literally surrounded by available tail on this campus and I just watch it walk on by, casually observing people living around me, like a kid watching fish in a tank.

I mean, I felt great over the summer, things were going my way, for the most part, and I could be very positive, even under duress. But now, that I'm surrounded by oppurtunity and I'm not jumping on it, I just feel like a fly stuck on a screen door; trapped, wanting to fly out, but unable to through my own stubborness and ennui.

The one ray of joy in my life right now is Star Trek--novels, the show, the incredible amount of information and trivia about the series, its my oasis within a sea of lonliness and anxiety.

Dammit, I just have to fucking do SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Why do I just end up wasting time and never getting anything of value accomplished? Like now, I should be doing something remotely constructive rather than ranting in my (neglected) Blog, but I'm not...

Maybe I just need some company, if you know what I mean. Not just a friend ('cause I have those), I need a damn girlfriend.

Well, I have to get to Macro-Econ,

'Til we meet again,

Chance

Why is my life not more dramatic?

I mean, really. Everyone else's life seems so rife with drama and turmoil and mine is so simple and uncomplicated. I mean, I just don't have anything to mope about. Maybe if I had a girlfriend/boyfriend(?) maybe my life would be more problematic.

I mean, I'm moved into my new house with Andrew, we have the internet and cable TV, I have a rather stable job (though it's starting to get old), and I'm going into my Junior(!) Year at MNSU. Everything seems to be going my way, for the most part. I have lots of friends, plenty of stuff, loving (though distant) parents, and a roommate who's consistently cool.

Where is the internal turmoil? The strife? The relationship troubles? The abusive family? The fights, the break-ups? My life is just... undramatic. Not boring, persay, just undramatic.

I'm watching an old episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Man, I wish I was an officer on the Enterprise. My life would be constantly interesting, being on the Flagship of the entire God-damn Federation of Planets. Now that would be a life worth chronicalling!

Its an episode on Terrorism, where Dr. Crusher is kidnapped by the terrorists and is forced to help them. The terrorists are trying to liberate their planet from oppresive leaders, but they are using violent, and evil tactics, such as killing civilians, to do it. TNG Was always so fresh, so timely, doing episodes on moral issues, most likely Gene Roddenberry had his hands all over this episode, due to the Federation being shown to be vastly superior to the alien, neutral planet. Roddenberry was a classic idealist, always showing the Federation being vastly superior and a near perfect society.

I always think its interesting how the Federation has no money at all, other than "credits" that are used to trade with non-Federation countries, basically, the Federation is a Socialist alliance.

What makes this possible? How could socialism possibly work on such a huge level? I have a theory (which I leaned for Brandon Freide, my roommate during the Seminar in Pennsylvania); One Word: Replicators.

Replicators, which, for those not in the know, are machines that can replicate any known substance turning simple carbon molecules into, say... a steak dinner, or a Phaser. There are repicators of various size and purpose, food replicators, building repicators, even Dilitium Crystal replicators, which were impossible to replicate pre-TNG.

Without needing any sort of market to determine production, as each individual with a replicator can just make what they want, there is no need for a market. Thus, the only way for Socialism to work, is if everyone has a machine that can make whatever you want/need. Thus no market.

Though, come to think of it, they would still have need for services, which, I suppose, are done mainly by automation, except jobs people would actually want to do, like being an officer on a Starship.

Still, its obscenely unlikely, but its nice to dream...

Just my two cents,

Chance

I <3 Milton Friedman! I'll let this video speak for itself.


Professor Milton Friedman on Open Mind

This is a response to Drew's comment on my last Blog, it was a bit long, so I just decided to make it into a blog of its own. Read, and expand your mind...

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Now you're just asking for a response to this, but since you really didn't say much except for rhetoric, I don't feel I have much to respond to.

Well, as far as Rhetoric goes, it was an angry Rant that I wrote very quickly in the dead of night, so rhetoric is precisely what it is. Ranting, angry, rhetoric.

At least, Drew, you're not making an emotional argument, I appreciate that... many times have I argued with people who try to take the "moral high ground," especially liberals, saying if you don't agree you're a heartless prick. Its a Strawman and an Ad Hominem all in one! It really pisses me off when people do that, so I appreciate the rational, logical response.

You seem very worried about consequences. What about the consequence of taking the money and power away from the government? Do you think that "tyranny" is going to disappear, and we'll all suddenly be bestowed with "liberty"? (I know from talking with you previously that you don't think it's that magical, but your POST suggests otherwise)

No, I don't think that taking the power away from the government and giving it to the people is going to be some magical cure-all. An extreme shift like that is going to have to happen gradually, as more people realize what they have lost, or may lose whenever the Government terms something "illegal."

There is no power of the individual; without a centralized, regulated government to protect your freedoms...

People don't get power from the Government, they give their power away to the Government, in exchange for security, unity, "equality," what have you.

But yes, a government may be useful to protect our freedoms, but I believe that should be its main, if not only, job.

...all you'd have is a decentralized corporate regime where the people making decisions about your money would be the people in charge of the organizations with the most money.


This is where you lost me. Without the ability to initiate force, all a corporation (again, a government construct) can do is use economic pressure against individuals and other businesses. But here is where the good ol' Invisible Hand of the free market steps in. If some A-hole raises prices on his product or service, say just to squeeze the last penny out of some poor fella, a competing business can just offer the same or a similar product/service at a lower price. Where do you think the guy is going to shop now? Not at the Omni-Corp, but at one of the many smaller businesses springing up to give them competition. Without any barriers to market entry, everyone has a chance to compete.

Plus, without an intrusive government, who makes decisions on how to spend your money? You do. No one will force you to buy from company X, because company X has no ability to force you to comply.

Why do you think the government has such a high debt? Its certainly not from doing nothing (which I would sometimes prefer). Social Security is one awful waste, for example, as is the meaningless wars and "Nation building" we seem to do at an alarming pace. We are not the world's police force.

It's the government's incredible debt and rich people's incredible need to make more money that is causing inflation,

Inflation is a tricky subject, but I highly doubt that rich people adding money into the economy are the culprits. I would rather point the blame at our Fiat money System, and how our money is based a "government guarantee" of its worth, rather than being set by a consistent Standard, like gold. I blame the Federal Reserve and Keynesian Economics for our Inflation.

taxes that go to programs that do not increase debt but that decrease poverty

This is the common mistake I mentioned earlier, the ol' chestnut, of having your cake, and eating it too. There is no such thing as a government program that does not spend money; oftentimes, its more money than it saves. Not to mention that it breeds a habit in people, like a drug addiction. An addiction to government hand-outs, "free" money. I have yet to see any conclusive evidence of any government program that effectively, and prudently, deals with the problem of poverty. I just think we're sustaining a bunch of wasteoids along with those who seriously need help, and that is a problem I refuse to ignore.

Well, Best of Luck to You All (including Hippies; I'm feeling generous),

Chance

This (rather lengthy) rant was supposed to be posted in the Libertarian Party Forum on Myspace, but due to some *ahem* Technical issues, and because I haven't blogged in an uncomfortably long time, I thought I'd share my ranting anger with the rest of you. Enjoy!

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I am dismayed by just how gullible people are; they'll trust any study or dubious "fact" that supports their opinion, almost as if... as if they only found enough people who agreed with them, that means they're right. Like a sort of "Tyranny of the Majority" situation played on the Intellectual Landscape. Its seems that whomever holds the opinion of 51% the Intelligentsia/"Leaders" is automatically right. Its ludacris, and its driving me up the freakin' wall.

I just watched a short debate on Youtube with John Stossel vs. David Sirota on the Minimum Wage. Looking at the comments below, it was rather disheartening. People were claiming the Sirota "kicked Stossel's ass" because he had some "study" saying that State's that raised the minimum wage helped raise low-income workers living standards--well, duh, the ones that can get a job!

Stossel came back deftly, saying "If you wanna raise the minimum wage, why stop at $7/hour? Why not $20, $40 an hour? That'll really stimulate the economy..."
And Sirota came back with, "Now your changing the subject..."

NO HE'S FUCKING NOT, YOU ASSHOLE! That's where that rabbit hole leads! Where does this madness end!?!? When does it stop!

ARGGGGGH!!!

Oh, shit, now I'm all depressed too, thanks a bundle Mr. Sirota, ya douchebag...

I think the only way to beat back this oncoming tyranny is to educate the public, let them know about the concepts of liberty, and how it relates to their lives. How freedom can't exist unless we are all free to make our own decisions, our own mistakes. That personal and economic liberty are intrinsically linked, that you can't take away a part of one without affecting the other.

People have to learn that Government Action will not be more effective just because "your guy" is in the office. There is no Free Lunch. Every government program (in fact every action, period) has consequences, often Unintended Consequences that we cannot see until its too late, because other people were too busy "looking out for my interests" which translates from Politician to English to mean, "trying to get reelected, and by the time my term runs out, the consequences of my social program will hit the next guy who gets my office." Its so ridiculously, screamingly obvious to me, I think I can even break it up into a fucking Algebra Equation...

But I won't bore you with one. Mind you, not all Politicians are bad people, I just can't stand it when they spend tax money for "my best interests." If I still had that money, I could spend it on whatever the fuck I want, not having it sprinkled around by some central authority... who spends it just paying off the outrageous amount of debt we've collected because politicians want to do what's "in my best interests." You know what's in "my best interests," you bureaucratic assholes?

Staying the fuck out of my business.

But you know what a Statist would say to all this? You're "Crazy," you're "Insane," how can you be against the "Status Quo?" Don't you know that our tax money goes to good causes? Don't you want "everyone" to be equal? Don't you want everyone to be free?

Equality is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. Let it go Statists, our very biology proves that people are born different than others. Nurture plays a big part too, different parents, different lifestyles, different regions, different values--how could we all possibly be equal? Its absolutely incredible.

I know Demonizing the enemy is counter-productive, but its so frustrating how unreasonable people can be.

Me, I hate Hippies. Not really Hate hate, its more that they irritate me. OK, maybe its not the Hippie's themselves I dislike, its this sort of narrow idealism (and stench) that many of them share; that you can have your cake, and eat it too. That if only people weren't so "greedy," and we would all share what we have and come together like some great big family, we would live in some Socialist Utopia.

Ever met a rich Hippie? Me neither.

Ever met a rich Ex-Hippie? Well I sure have (I suppose my dad's one, marginally).

Someday, reality comes crashing down on this sort of pleasant idealism, that the real world is full of people with their own goals, hopes, and dreams, things independent of your own. What is the only way to secure that everyone has a shot at living their dream? Liberty, the ability to make your own choices and accept the consequences thereof.

I do believe that its the second part that people have a hard time with. They'd rather let the "experts" make the choices for them (and make every taxpayer shoulder the consequences). People say that libertarians are selfish because we believe in the power of the Individual. The "I", not the "We." But what's more selfish than getting money you didn't earn, from people you don't even know?

Advocating for Total Equality is just advocating for Slavery under a different name. Slaves of the Mind, and slaves of the State.

Man, I feel like I could Rant like this forever, maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead. Whew, all this ranting is quite the mental workout, I think I'm gonna make a habit of it, rant some more on my blog, or something.

But, again, I'll say that I think the key to winning the "hearts and minds" of the public is to demonstrate what liberty means and what it can do, I think the Free State Project is a good step in that direction. Hopefully, libertarians can impact the state government there enough to prove that liberty works, that people, left relatively alone, can do great things without any government intervention.

Well that's all for tonight,

Peace and love to all (except Hippies),

Chance